i heart ny

i got a message today from deanie, telling me she always thinks of me and the dub on september 11. i think of her, too, of course.

somehow on that day, i managed to be in touch with all of my peeps whom i needed to be in touch with: bdub woke me with a call from the J train (which rides above ground over the williamsburg bridge), telling me that a plane had hit the world trade center, and that he could see it from the train. we kind of shared a "huh. how weird. i hope no one was hurt" exchange, and i went to the window of my hallway and surveyed the billowing smoke. i turned on CNN and was glued to the tube as the second plane hit.

kara dean called me. she was near times square, and the first to report to me that things were seriously crazy. i told her bdub would be at his rehearsal space just a few blocks away. somehow, they met up on the street and walked to brooklyn together (bdub says he clearly remembers his brain scanning the faces of people on the street, and its recognition of the beautiful deanie).

in the meantime, i got through to my mom. brian's sister heather got through to me. so did kara's sister, meredith....she had such worry in her voice, and i was grateful that i was able to tell her that i had talked with deanie. i bounced from window to computer to tv to phone, in shock. all day.

when deanie and bdub arrived, naturally, i made pasta.

i will be forever grateful that everyone i love was able to put their fears to rest easily that day, and know that we were safe. i am still so thankful that bdub was the first to call me and give me the news--that i never for a second had to worry about him or my dearest friend. so many spent the days to follow pleading to their fellow new yorkers, "have you seen my son/daughter/husband?". they almost wanted a moment just to talk with you, as one mama did with me. just to know you or someone or an entire city was praying for their loved one. i think of her when i think of those who have taken advantage of her loss--to exploit many more of our sons' and daughters' lives, to exploit our fear and our loss through a senseless war.

i am trying today to just reflect on our city and its healing, rather than to express my own anger. perhaps that is for another day, and today is just a day to remember.