Thursday, April 14, 2011

no. way.

there is no delicate way to put this.

my child just had a sh*tstorm in his crib.

pooped. took off pants and diaper. smeared excrement everywhere.

then he called for mommy.

aren't you glad you're reading my blog today?

epilogue: bdub is home. he is dressing child and taking child, along with soiled linens & stuffed animals, to the laundromat. he is then purchasing (several?) bottles of wine and asparagus (again, bite me, trader joe's). how much do i love him?

for the love of all that's holy, NAP, SON! NAP! and 15 things (again)...

1. while the child has been MUCH improved, behavior-wise, since my last post, he needs to NAP!

2. i am having anxiety about a dinner guest who is coming tonight. see #1. i hope my child is not a terror.

3. trader joe's produce can bite me.

4. i have gone to bootcamp three sessions in a row-- friday, mon, wed. the instructor KICKS MY ASS, but not in a mean way. hard to explain. it's fun to push my bod and makes me feel a little competitive, which is strange.

5. easter. right around the corner. give me strength.

6. as barcelona approaches, how much do i prepare mackey for the abandonment-- rather, the disappearance--- rather, the absence of his parents? i have just started telling him that daddy is going back on tour, and he's convinced that he is going, too (as a third drummer, because, you know, that's necessary/plausible).

7. i love the forced de-cluttering that comes with dinner and/or house guests. the apartment looks great. please, everyone, come over! i cook for you!

8. can't stop thinking of a horrible news story that karadean shared with me. i won't share it here, because then all of you won't stop thinking about it either, but suffice to say, people do desperate things when they feel they are out of options. please-- if you need help, REACH OUT.

9. it's gorgeous out today. hope to enjoy it at least for a little while.

10. i am owed quite a bit of cashola these days. wonder when i can start cracking heads?

11. my son is obsessed with the book rat catching by crispin glover. the book is essentially this weirdo art piece wherein glover deconstructed an instructional manual on how to catch rats, and inserted all of this disturbing imagery. it is not appropriate for children. i have hid it, and mackey found it, after asking, like, a million times, "where is 'catching rats'?"

12. the voice from the other room is informing me that he "made a poopoo" so i guess that's my cue. it'll have to be "12 things" for today. le sigh....

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

screech owl

here's what i'm talkin' about....

terrible two's

so truly, i feel like a worthless parent a lot of the time lately.

as for the things i have control over, i really am committed to doing my best: i feed the kid really good, very healthy whole foods. he begs for broccoli, so i feel ok in that right.

we stick to a schedule. even if he won't nap, we lay down at 1 pm for a nap, and he's in bed at 8:30.

we barely watch tv-- maybe an episode of dora here and there. he's a bookworm. i love this.

but, omg. he is a terror. he has been hitting me and my husband. diaper changes are often torturous.

when we need to head out somewhere (generally to take him to an activity like story time or a play group), he is less than amenable. he doesn't listen. at the mere suggestion that we need to get ready to leave, he will pull out the "drums" (pots and pans), listen to records, and read every book in the house.

once we are out of the house, he insists on driving the car if we're driving, and if we're strolling, he fights getting into the stroller.

he has turned into a big yeller. instead of just saying, "i'm done" or "i'd like a banana, please" (of which he is perfectly capable of doing and has done a million times), he will just YELL.

he pushes the dog. the only member of the household whom he treats with respect is the crotchety 14 year old himalayan cat, because we all know what will happen if you cross a 14 year old himalayan cat.

maybe i could learn a thing or two from the cat.

and "helpful" facebook "friends" respond to my status updates of "two year old driving me up a wall" with things like, "just wait til he's three!!"

that is sooooooo not what i needed to hear, friend.

i try to be consistent with the discipline. i NEVER let him get away with hitting me. i am not at all afraid of a public time out, and have plopped him down in the middle of the pharmacy or grocery store for two minutes without a second thought.

i offer choices rather than make demands. i try to be a good model (you don't see bdub and i swatting each other's faces or yelling at the dinner table).

the waters are getting rough out there. moms, if you are reading, throw me an oar. do i just wait this out, and keep the consistency of what i am doing (even if it doesn't seem to be working)? do i need a different approach? do i shrug it off, and accept that this, too, shall pass? because while he is adorable, hilarious, compassionate, and sweet as sugar lots of the time, the black cloud of terrible twos is encroaching on my home, and i don't like it.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

fifteen things

15 things on my mind today....

1. bdub and i booked my ticket to....BARCELONA!!!
2. i am intrigued by the budding coop preschool in my 'hood. hope the Little Acorns Playschool works out for max (how cute is that name?)
3. why is my kid not sleeping?
4. i really need to clip the biscuit's nails
5. must go to the gym today
6. i am still green with jealousy over bdub's chiropractic appointment, and need to just get over it and book one for myself.
7. i love my mom
8. what are those bright yellow blooms that grow up big bushes? forsythia? because there is one in the landlord's backyard, and it fills my heart with glee every time i look out my window at it!!
9. bdub made me the most delicious veggie dog: jumbo smart dog. delectable. perfect "snap" to it. reminded me of summer.
10. can't WAIT for summer!
11. three of my most favorite peeps are aries: beezus, karadean, and lil e. i love you girls.
12. i miss aunt kappie muskulls and hope she is doing ok.
13. seriously, my son is yelling from his crib.
14. i must find a flattering swimsuit. if anyone is reading this and you have ideas, please post.
15. a good friend gave me some awesome advice (via her therapist): if you have something on your mind that is overwhelming and causing you to ruminate, allow yourself a certain time during the day to think about it. that way, you are allowing it to be but it is not overwhelming you. i added to this that during my time to think about it, i will either lie flat with my eyes closed or take a walk, but not try to do anything else during that devoted time.

and one to grow on:

16. "there is a light that never goes out" is my favorite song by the smiths. however, whenever i hear it, i get nostalgic to a debilitating degree. ah, youth.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

it's in the book!

one of max's favorite things to do lately is to quote from one of his favorite stories, and then say, "it's in the book!"

yesterday's was one of my favorites. we were eating breakfast, and max bumped his knees onto the table, spilling my coffee a little. i quoted sam and the firefly by p.d. eastman, saying "that was a bad trick. bad tricks are not fun."

sam and the firefly is one of our faaaaaaavorite books. max can recite it in its entirety. when there has been a minor infraction (not quite time-out or 1,2,3 magic-style warning worthy), we tend to use the "bad tricks are not fun" line.

without missing beat, he replied:

"oh, go on home, you old hen! what to YOU know about fun?" and then quickly, "it's in the book!"

Saturday, March 26, 2011

homeschooling preschool

oh my, has it really been over a YEAR since i last updated my blog?! unbelievable.

so much has happened, there is simply no way for me to recap it all, but it has been a wonderful year. i believe that i have found my stride, and so has my husband. it's awesome. life is really, really good--- rich, fun, busy, fulfilling, exciting.

max is just an amazing human being with whom i love spending my time.

what sparked the interest in picking up the blog again is this: max is two and a half. on march fifth, an innocent parenting newsgroup to which i belong became flooded with posts: it was preschool acceptance day, and so many were wait-listed, or talking about where their kids got in, etc. one wrote about her concern that her kid (who was not attending) would be left in the dust as a result of having no other kids to play with! (they would all be in preschool!) and yes....that freaked me out but good.

thing is, in looking around for a preschool, the desirable schools are nearly all full-time situations, or at least full days for a few days a week, and they are all unaffordable (they would require almost half of my annual salary). i am still considering preschool for age four, but our situation is unique, and we certainly are not in need of a full-time childcare situation. additionally, if this was something we wanted to do, i should have begun the process of applying while he was still in the womb, apparently (i wish i were joking- required viewing: nursery university).

the beautiful part is that a full-time or even part-time but full day childcare situation is not what i desire. with much thought and consultation with parents whom i respect and love, i have figured out what it is that i desire:

-a close bond with my child
-a parent-oriented child
-a child who is exposed to many different types of people of many different ages
-a child-led curriculum which focuses on his intense interest in reading and music
-when he cannot be with me or bdub, a devoted caregiver who is a kind, intelligent, and gentle model (ladies and gentlemen, meet jeffrey).

and this is what we have. essentially, amid the preschool competition (which is much more intense in our area than acceptance into most major universities), the $20,000 annual tuitions, the fundraising committees and the application fees and the essays about the perfect little snowflake that we are supposed to pretend is our child, this is our plan:

we are homeschooling preschool. i feel like i've got my teaching mojo back! (i have a degree in k-8 music education, was a substitute teacher of all subjects and grades for three years after college, and have taught private flute lessons as well as general music, orchestra, band, and choir to grades 6-12). i am very excited about this. i would like for it to be child-led for the most part, but max is also a really voracious learner who likes being exposed to new things.

additionally, we:
-attend a church nursery on sundays from appx 9-12.
-attend a playgroup monday and fridays from 11:30-1
-may attend an unschooling playgroup in the teacher's home tues and thur from 4-6 (more to come on that-- see
-will likely attend dalcroze eurythics class at the special music school

sounds like a plenty full schedule for a 2-3 year old. most importantly, i am honored and happy to spend this time with him. childhood really is so short.

more to come.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

how i've missed you, little blog of mine

today i am all about the random thoughts.... so random, in fact, that i have barely been able to put together a coherent facebook status update. truly sad.

for example, on my way to work today, i observed a man kind of yelling at some guys who were stocking some items (produce maybe?) from a truck. i immediately thought, "hello, crazy" until i passed by the man in question and got a whiff. he smelled FANTASTIC. really, really nice, and i am generally not a huge fan of cologne, but this was spicy, woodsy, fresh-soapy all rolled into one. my friend rebecca pointed out to me that with the mentally incapacitated, hygiene is one of the first things to go, so perhaps i misjudged him.

random thought #2 is that i think i need to break up with the professional. it seems that lately when i find myself performing the juggling act of meeting my own needs, meeting my child's needs and taking care of business, this somehow ends up being put into question at therapy.

to whom am i comparing myself?
am i running away? can i not just enjoy my time with max?
do i come up with distractions? why?

and you know what? i'm a little done with that. is this truly helpful to me? when bdub was out of town last week, the boy and the biscuit and i high-tailed our butts up to beacon to hang with karadean and her boys. and no, i didn't want to be alone in my apartment with my 17 month old all day long for two days.

and we had a great time, and it meant a lot to my bff-since-9th-grade that we came up, despite the dog puking all over the back seat, and despite us needing to leave by 3:30 so we could beat the traffic.

so what am i running from? does it really matter? maybe i am running towards open arms that love me and want me and the boy and our dog who puked all over their brand new slate floors to sit down and stay awhile. i don't know why they would want us, because we are a bit of a sorry lot sometimes, and we cry and fuss and make a mess.....but i'll take it.

the photo below was taken by my dear friend, kelly jones. she is cool loveliness, very real and clearly a woman of many talents. this image knocks my socks off, takes my breath away, and rocks my world, all at once:

Sunday, January 24, 2010

the mommy makeover, revisited

my brain, upon exiting the shower today:

"you know, the idea of a combination tummy tuck/breast lift/lipo value pack doesn't sound so bad right about now.

of course, i should really work out first, and save the big guns for anything that doesn't go back to normal after diet and my boobs. i really used to love my boobs. now they just look like utters or feed bags, swingin' around. so sad.

and how unfair-- why couldn't it be that after breast feeding, one's boobs become truly extraordinary, even better than before? a mark and badge of honor of the strong work they did? why instead must they sag?"

and then my bod says to my brain:

"what's so great about 'before', anyway?"

and my brain comes up with a million and one girlish reasons...and i think of my sweet boy, and me. fifteen months later.

everything that seemed so fab about "before" kind of fades away in the wake of this new motherhood, this new family....and i realize that everything about "before" is still there, and can still happen, with some minor tweaks. and i let go.

my bod-- she's a smart old bird.