how i've missed you, little blog of mine

today i am all about the random thoughts.... so random, in fact, that i have barely been able to put together a coherent facebook status update. truly sad.

for example, on my way to work today, i observed a man kind of yelling at some guys who were stocking some items (produce maybe?) from a truck. i immediately thought, "hello, crazy" until i passed by the man in question and got a whiff. he smelled FANTASTIC. really, really nice, and i am generally not a huge fan of cologne, but this was spicy, woodsy, fresh-soapy all rolled into one. my friend rebecca pointed out to me that with the mentally incapacitated, hygiene is one of the first things to go, so perhaps i misjudged him.

random thought #2 is that i think i need to break up with the professional. it seems that lately when i find myself performing the juggling act of meeting my own needs, meeting my child's needs and taking care of business, this somehow ends up being put into question at therapy.

to whom am i comparing myself?
am i running away? can i not just enjoy my time with max?
do i come up with distractions? why?

and you know what? i'm a little done with that. is this truly helpful to me? when bdub was out of town last week, the boy and the biscuit and i high-tailed our butts up to beacon to hang with karadean and her boys. and no, i didn't want to be alone in my apartment with my 17 month old all day long for two days.

and we had a great time, and it meant a lot to my bff-since-9th-grade that we came up, despite the dog puking all over the back seat, and despite us needing to leave by 3:30 so we could beat the traffic.

so what am i running from? does it really matter? maybe i am running towards open arms that love me and want me and the boy and our dog who puked all over their brand new slate floors to sit down and stay awhile. i don't know why they would want us, because we are a bit of a sorry lot sometimes, and we cry and fuss and make a mess.....but i'll take it.

the photo below was taken by my dear friend, kelly jones. she is cool loveliness, very real and clearly a woman of many talents. this image knocks my socks off, takes my breath away, and rocks my world, all at once:

showered with love

i am truly a blessed woman.

it all started with my mom (or i think it did...apparently many peeps have been working undercover in the wolfeinelli showering department). this spring, she delightfully announced to me that she wanted to throw us a shower, and throw one she did.

brian and i arrived in morgantown one sunny weekend in august and spent a gorgeous sunday surrounded by friends (ours and parental) and family. the day was a smashing success, which is a good thing, considering irene may have been a bit frantic about hosting the event. in the preceding days and weeks, i was emailed about many a detail, from themes (nixed) to games (definitely nixed) to irene's confusion over our desire to have the affair be co-ed ("but what will the MEN do?"). i agreed wholeheartedly to a "diaper cake" centerpiece which the crafty irene erected three layers tall...it consisted of about sixty rolled up diapers and was festooned with pacifiers, rattles, and other cute little toys. truly a sight to behold.


(the above photo is an approximation...dare i say irene's diy version was even better)

when consulted numerous times of what to serve, i suggested some grilled pizzas, in the interest of keeping things economical, fun, and easy. this proved to be stress-inducing for our hosts, i could tell, and my dear friend katie --personal chef and kitchen goddess-- stepped in to relieve the worries. she was quite a hit with the recently or soon-to-be retired menfolk, who apparently decided that what they would do, as irene had so fretted over, would be to quiz katherine on how they could improve upon their skills as home cooks and gourmands. thanks again, katie. you are seriously a trooper.

the following month, a very sneaky kara dean and dylan threw another affair. smart lady and busy mom that she is, kara arranged several committees, including those involving food (dylan), set up (heather dawn) and decorations (joyous aka "the white tornado" and deej, purveyor of all things good).

"what tha...?!"


it was a spectacular affair and, once again, the weather gods smiled upon us. kara dean had many fun activities planned, such as a compilation of fabric squares covered in handwritten labor wishes and a betting pool predicting when max will arrive! deej created favors of handmade, signature scented baby shoe soaps from vintage molds. amazing.



finally, just a couple of weeks ago, i was informed of an evening job for parents mag. apparently, a reshoot was needed due to a horrible kids groomer who was hired in a pinch when i was not available. smugly, i said, "sure, i'll do the reshoot", only to arrive at another surprise shower! the parents peeps raided their goodie closet (which is NOT a myth-- these things really do exist) and gifted max with all manner of adorable baby things, plus a lovely spa gift certificate for mama.

aside from compiling a registry and the consulting sessions with irene, i had nothing to do with any of this...and i couldn't imagine planning three more lovely, fun, and stress-free (for me, anyway) events. to quote my new favorite book momma zen, "the unplanning was perfect". a good lesson for nowlze in letting go of control, which i am certain will come in handy in the days to come.

speaking of which, i am 37 weeks today. max is full term. *gulp*.

every day's a holiday

the wolfeinelli's and our entourage of friendly beasts had quite the holiday this year. we embarked for west virginia on december 21, all presents and pet carriers. my sister was in with her husband, the inimitable matt, and my two little peanuts of a niece and nephew.

sadie and the biscuit seemed to carry on quite the love affair; much kissing ensued (after all, le bisquit *is* french).








jasper and i roughhoused. we spoke in robot voices. we acted in all manner of silliness (from jasper: "why did the spider crawl across the computer? he wanted to get to his website!"). i was declared his favorite aunt (take that!).






every family member was accounted for, if only for a day or two or even an hour or two in some cases. as we all create our own families (both chris and jay are recently engaged! woot!) and there is more distance between us, i do not take lightly the opportunities for us to be together. bdub and i did spend a couple of days here and there with our respective families of origin, but save some last minute changes of venue and work schedules, we balanced the tight rope of splitting our time without much ado. here we are listening to my FIL's band at the moose lodge:




(moose prices for a beer, an absolut and soda, a shot of maker's mark and a coca cola: $6 total. i am not kidding.)



we returned home to brooklyn on the 27th. on the 28th, i spent most of my actual birthday with the dean-assaels, where they fixed me a delicious dinner of thankfulness for our friendship (mock turkey, mashed potatoes and deanie's amazing green beans), and we opened our christmas gifts to each other. so fun. i love them dearly.

on the 29th, we convinced bdub's bff keith to come up to ny for the remainder of the holiday festivities. after hardly any arm twisting at all, keith changed his return ticket to L.A. and is currently chillaxin' on my couch. nothing could make me happier, truth be told.

that evening, my birthday party was held at the gutter bar in our 'hood, a bowling alley/bar with some serious old skool charm. rumor has it that the lanes and all bowling accoutrements were imported from an alley in the midwest. we arrived around 5 pm, decorated our little corner with streamers and balloons, laid out the beautiful cake that bdub got for me, and had some jack and gingers. aside from the alcohol, i felt about ten years old and i liked it! we bowled a couple of rounds and then ended our delightful evening with pizza and cake. it was truly the perfect birthday.












and on to new year's eve....we'll see what transpires. bdub's gig was cancelled at the last minute, so we actually have a new year's to do whatever we wish! i am pooped, so being lazy sounds very appealing right about now, but we will probably spend the evening with a couple of friends. my lovely friend, kelli white, has invited us over for what she describes is to be "a very mellow evening of good wine and good rock 'n roll" at her apartment. sounds perfect.

resolutions to come in a later post, but for now i feel only thankfulness for time spent with my family and loved ones, for another year and the wisdom it will (hopefully) bring, and for my love who truly is my most precious gift (so cheesy, so true).

cuteness alert

"uncle" bdub recently did a recording session at this spot called frisbie in tribeca. they had the cutest kid's t-shirts and onesies, so of course he had to get a couple for our favorite niece and nephew.

and just look at what was in my inbox!



i think those two need to start a band or something. they already exude such 'tude.

beezie also emailed me this--from sadie's first birthday (and really, what good is birthday cake without a handful of goldfish crackers thrown in?)

ah, time... she flies...


in other news, this weekend was pretty relaxed once i got through my 12 and a half hour day at cstv on saturday (ouch). on sunday, bdub and i went to visit kurly, dyl, and wiles for some halloween festivities at fort greene park. we were a bit late for the activities, but were in the spirit regardless.

the assael's costumes: kurly as bearded lady, dylan as fortune teller (complete with giant 'stache and turban), and wiles as strong man.

i swear, had there been a baby costume contest, that kid would have won first prize. he was dressed in a striped sweater, red knit pants, boots, studded black cuffs, a studded black belt, and, to top it off, his hair was slicked over and he had a penciled-in curly black moustache. he also carried (or, played like a guitar, rather) a big dumbell which dylan made out of a black plastic handle of some sort and two big, black styrofoam balls on the ends with "100" stenciled on them. genius.

i will definitely post pics when i get 'em! i dressed as rosie the riveter (v. easy last minute costume, should you ever need one) and the biscuit went as himself, as he was not digging his dinosaur costume. it so messed with his balance, in fact, that he was falling flat on his face (which is flat enough). here's my last minute rosie:


bdub went as "disgruntled vietnam vet"...which, actually, isn't a costume at all but rather bdub's "uniform" as of late: brown hooded sweatshirt, olive drab army-ish coat, jeans, and brown chukka boots. to get into character, bdub was saying things like, "i gave it all for my country, man! when i came back, they called me a baby killer, man!".

good stuff.

so goodnight moonlight ladies....

i readied my ingredients and got set to chop some onions for lasagna. my ipod shuffled to "sweet baby james" by james taylor...a lullabye that immediately makes me think of my nephew (james "jasper" laster). which makes me think of my sister.

which makes me think of the fact that she lives on the opposite coast. and that i see her but maybe three times a year at best. which makes the lump in my throat grow.

because it makes me think of the decisions we all make...of how when i was a teenager i formulated a life plan that included the eventual purchase of a home with a guest house for my brother jay...because he would have to live with me so we could never be apart (duh). which makes me realize that we, too, are far away from each other (in a couple of ways).

kurly and dyl are going to portland next month to check things out...will they end up across the country? as they told me of their plans, i nodded and was truly excited for them, and i understand, and i know what it means to need to move. but the lump....she grows.

i know that this is what it means to grow up. and this is what happens as we become who we are to become and meet our spouses and figure out what and where we would like to be. sometimes it feels cruel and unfair (i can only imagine how this must sometimes strike our parents, like a sucker punch in the gut when they look around and realize that their babies are gone).

sometimes it feels like an impossibility to strengthen our ties to our families, both those that we were born into and those whom we have chosen. so please, forgive me if i haven't done the best job of this. i fear that i will become worse at it as life changes and grows. that my niece and nephew won't really know me beyond the kooky aunt who sends them weird things in the mail and kind of sounds and looks like their mom.

that eventually as we shape shift into moms and dads and other forms of grownups ourselves we will all morph into other people, letting those threads of home and youth slip from our fingers, take a backseat, turn into a name on the christmas card list. and that makes me sad beyond words.