so truly, i feel like a worthless parent a lot of the time lately.
as for the things i have control over, i really am committed to doing my best: i feed the kid really good, very healthy whole foods. he begs for broccoli, so i feel ok in that right.
we stick to a schedule. even if he won't nap, we lay down at 1 pm for a nap, and he's in bed at 8:30.
we barely watch tv-- maybe an episode of dora here and there. he's a bookworm. i love this.
but, omg. he is a terror. he has been hitting me and my husband. diaper changes are often torturous.
when we need to head out somewhere (generally to take him to an activity like story time or a play group), he is less than amenable. he doesn't listen. at the mere suggestion that we need to get ready to leave, he will pull out the "drums" (pots and pans), listen to records, and read every book in the house.
once we are out of the house, he insists on driving the car if we're driving, and if we're strolling, he fights getting into the stroller.
he has turned into a big yeller. instead of just saying, "i'm done" or "i'd like a banana, please" (of which he is perfectly capable of doing and has done a million times), he will just YELL.
he pushes the dog. the only member of the household whom he treats with respect is the crotchety 14 year old himalayan cat, because we all know what will happen if you cross a 14 year old himalayan cat.
maybe i could learn a thing or two from the cat.
and "helpful" facebook "friends" respond to my status updates of "two year old driving me up a wall" with things like, "just wait til he's three!!"
that is sooooooo not what i needed to hear, friend.
i try to be consistent with the discipline. i NEVER let him get away with hitting me. i am not at all afraid of a public time out, and have plopped him down in the middle of the pharmacy or grocery store for two minutes without a second thought.
i offer choices rather than make demands. i try to be a good model (you don't see bdub and i swatting each other's faces or yelling at the dinner table).
the waters are getting rough out there. moms, if you are reading, throw me an oar. do i just wait this out, and keep the consistency of what i am doing (even if it doesn't seem to be working)? do i need a different approach? do i shrug it off, and accept that this, too, shall pass? because while he is adorable, hilarious, compassionate, and sweet as sugar lots of the time, the black cloud of terrible twos is encroaching on my home, and i don't like it.
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8 comments:
well i'm not an expert and my 2.5 year old has his own charming devilish days. i will offer you my experiences on how i deal with or dealt with some of the things you are facing right now.
hitting - there was a point when OS would kick and "hit"while we tried to dress him i would get really frustrated saying no didn't help. so i started to bribe him.
opal is calling me so i i mustgo. call me well talk
Nowlze, I can relate - and it's true, "this too shall pass", and then of course there's always something new to deal with. It sounds like you are handling it beautifully. When he hits it sounds like he gets a time out or at least separated from you, which is perfect - a natural consequnce, you can't be around people if you're going to hit them. I went through phases like that with both Jasper and Sadie - the phase passed pretty quickly (although at the time it seemed like it was going on forever). It does help sometimes to take the long view - there will always be something going on, but if you are consistent and loving most of the time (I won't say all of the time because we all have our bad moments and days) he'll be fine, you'll all be fine. I don't know if this helps, but sometimes I try to look for the positive in these crazy phases - he is gaining independence from you, which is a natural thing of course, and may be what some of this is about, asserting his independence. Also you know as well as anyone that two-year-olds are constantly testing limits - and even though he may protest, he actually feels safer when you do set the limits. Matt often reminds me, "you set the agenda", which means they basically see me as "Captain Bringdown" 95% of the time - put the toys away, get in the car - in their view my main purpose in life is to spoil all their fun! Ahhh, the life of a mom :) Love you lots Nowlze, and I know you're doing an amazing job
Oh one more thing - you mentioned that when you're getting ready to leave he'll start reading books, listening to records - maybe he could bring a favorite book or toy in the car with him, or listen to one of his favorite songs. Sometimes we'll try to make getting in the car part of a game (the car is the Batmobile).
I think what you said is absolutely right, "do i just wait this out, and keep the consistency of what i am doing (even if it doesn't seem to be working)?" Yes! It doesn't seem to be working at the time, but you're doing the right thing and it will improve with your consistency and firm but loving approach - I've seen you with him and I think you are amazing! Also it's great to get creative ideas from your friends, other moms and dads, anyone! We're all in this boat together.
you ladies rock.
beezie-- two points: 1- i am in no way concerned with being captain bringdown, the fun police, etc!! i don't want to kill his spirit, but i am more concerned with the notion that when it's time to go, he needs to be obedient and respectful! i just wonder if i am being age-appropriate with my expectations? and it's true, i don't want to miss out on the "fun" of age two by being frustrated, stressed, etc.
2- we do bring books to the car, but it's a great idea to copy his favorite songs to cd for the car. he'd love that.
It's so hard to tell what's age appropriate, every kid is so different. And whether he is obedient and respectful when it's time to get in the car, he is still getting in the car - he's learning that protesting doesn't do any good, he's going to get in the car whether he likes it or not! When Sadie doesn't do what I ask her, I tell her, "OK then, if you're not going to walk I'm going to pick you up and carry you to the car because it's time to go". I hate to compare our kids to puppies, but think of how you trained the Biscuit - he didn't learn to "sit" the first time you gave him that command, you probably had to teach him 20 or 30 times before he got it. Same with kids, you pick 'em up and put 'em in the car 30 times and eventually they realize that throwing a fit or whatever they're doing to protest isn't going to work. It is frustrating, everything has to be a "lesson", but you are such a great Mom, don't ever doubt yourself! It's not easy, no one tells you how hard it can be just to get through the day sometimes. Just think, soon you'll have a nice break in Barcelona!!!
it IS like the training of the biscuit (though the biscuit was so much easier)!
i uploaded a video of the dinner table yelling. enjoy. (bdub's expression is priceless).
I hope you don't mind that I think the yelling video is pretty funny :) Especially when you think he's going to stop, and then...
Looks like pretty typical two year old stuff to me - I'd say just ignore it and it will probably go away. I also want to say - I hope I don't sound like Ms Know-It-All-Mom who loves to give advice - I really have NO idea what I'm talking about, except for being in the thick of it with your delightful niece and nephew! I need advice from you every day! You rule XOXO
you DON'T sound like that at all!!!! i LOVE getting mama advice!
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