i never knew love like this before...

despite the positive title, this is not an easy post to make. the wolfeinellis are wading through a lot of muck these days, and while so many areas of our lives have improved DRASTICALLY (like, where we live, for example: our biggest issue is having to talk with the older people on our block when we;'re in a hurry), other things have unfortunately taken some pretty sad turns.

brian's dad suffered three ruptured brain aneurysms, and while he is (thankfully) recovering, it has been quite the ordeal for the wolfe's. this ordeal has been piggybacked by ANOTHER ordeal, which for the sake of privacy i don't feel comfortable elaborating on. i will say that addiction is a selfish beeyatch. it destroys, it lies, and it keeps coming back for more. it is trying to pick away at my husband. to occupy his thoughts, to constantly fill his head with lies, to exhaust him, to deplete his resources. it is so sad. so very sad. it is really hurting the wolfeinellis, and i really fear that we don't have the resources to deal with it.

however, we are dealing with it so far. we are trying to do our best most of the time. i am failing at that some of the time....i think it is easier for me to step away and try to encircle my family, shield them. i can't hide my anger when i feel unable to do this successfully.

max is almost ten months. he is a light. he has four teeth with more on the way. he clings to me when i pick him up, and gives me little pats on the shoulder as if to say, "it's alright mama. breathe. i love you." he is the happiest baby on the block. he wakes up and (usually) goes to bed with a smile on his face. he snuggles up to me in the morning and nurses, i think more for my sake than for his. he has thigh chub. his eyes are a kaleidoscope of greens, coppers, grays. he has more exuberance, joy, and life force than any being i can ever recall knowing or sharing in their company.