and a p.s. on my new apartment 'tude

i almost forgot that i would like to share my thoughts on our apartment situation:

while i have been quite dismayed by the piles (literally, piles) of mouse droppings, the cracks where walls meet floors, the wobbly front gate and crooked front door of our abode.... upon perusing the craigslist apartment listings, i have discovered that for the amount of space we have in the neighborhood where we live, even despite our recent and sizeable rent increase, the dub and i are STILL paying a monthly rent that is waaaay under market value. like anywhere between $250 and $400 per month under market value.

to this i say, "let me furnish and improve upon our space with these massive savings that have been cast before me"! i figure this allows me a monthly sum of $200/month to put towards beautifying our space. FLOR tiles? why not? we can take 'em with us when we leave! wall art? again! an investment! poppytalk has examples galore of affordable art!

i can see it now:






i see the addition of the indoor lap pool as completely within my space and budgetary constraints.


also, i am still all ears for any green, non-chemical, and somewhat cruelty-free methods of dealing with our mouse problem, so please leave a comment with any suggestions. so far i have heard only of kitty litter ("used" kitty litter...clearly this doesn't work as we still have both a litter box and mice in our basement), moth balls, and peppermint oil. soon our house will be smelling of my nana's closet and a winter wonderland. mmm....old lady scent....

a serious attitude adjustment

this nowlze has had a change of direction since her last blog post. after a day or so of wallowing in self-pity, i have done the following to get back onto the path of self-improvement:

-gone to the gym
-put up the holiday decorations
-put down some new rugs (always a sure-fire mood lifter)
-cleaned up a few piles of mouse poop
-sent out emails to my work peeps hoping to get a bite or two of a good test (test in the sense of "test shoot", or a collaborative photo shoot resulting in a few good prints for my sorely lacking portfolio).
-organized some inspirational makeup and photography looks to refer to at the above-mentioned impending tests.

what else can a nowlzie do?

le dub and i are going on a date tonight as well. this always perks me up. we're going to the mermaid inn. it's one of my all-time favorite date spots. i am already thinking about what i'd like to eat: probably some oysters, maybe the lobster chowder or yellowfin tuna tartare, and the grilled mahi mahi or spaghetti with shrimp and scallops. YUM.

i also love that they give you complimentary pudding for dessert (not that i ever leave room) and a fortune telling fish:



maybe mine will provide some insight as to when i will be busy again. natch.

we are also on the hunt for a fun post-dinner activity. there's not much in the way of music happening tonight, aside from the music of bdub's work-friends (fellow musicians), and to be honest, while i love to support bdub's peeps, it can be a lot of pressure and not totally relaxing (can you talk during their set? when is it ok to leave? is this work or is this fun?).

apologies for the most boring blog-post ever. for some better reading, allow me to link to the wonderfully insightful maiden voyage post of my sister's blog! i LOVE that i can keep tabs on my favorite west coast family (and learn a thing or to about not sweatin' it).

to bring you some holiday cheer...

this is the best thing ever.

i would give anything to embed it into this blog, so if anyone knows the code, pass it along!

i could use some holiday cheer, to be honest. i have been feeling "blah" since upon our return to new york. i think it has to do with-- despite woobie "the destroyer" and one less mouse in our house-- the suspicion that there are many more hiding in the walls, scurrying around. i am discovering mouse poop in abundance now that my eyes are prone to look for it. it disturbs me. it's along the wall near our bed (on my side), on the carpet in the bathroom, but mostly in the corners of our kitchen, on the shelves. it smells like a guinea pig's cage in there. no joke.

the more i hole up in our apartment, the more i notice its flaws, and the mice are just the tip of the iceberg. i haven't dragged myself to the gym in a couple of weeks. my last haircut was, to put it kindly, not so good. i am majorly disappointed in what i have to show for my work, and i fear for the winter months.

and not to get too personal, but has it ever made you more annoyed when your complaints are followed by less commiseration and more problem-solving? i need commiseration, people! i know how to solve the problem...that's not the point. i know that i need to shower, to clean, to drag myself outside and do the crap-ton of christmas shopping that lies ahead or atleast try to make a dent in my never-ending to-do list. but somehow, it's 4:43 PM, dark outside, and here i sit--in my pajamas.

sigh.

he is the hunter

at six this morning i heard it. it wasn't the cry of "i'm hungry- feed me" nor was it the disturbing, warbling cry of "look out--i'm going to puke up a hairball now".

this was a battle cry that said (to quote bjork): "i am the hunter. i'll bring you the goods."

i poked my husband and said, "either woobs is hurt, or he's gotten the mouse". got it he did. he got it good.

shortly before we left to return to new york from west virginia, the woob went missing for a good twenty minutes. just as we were about to give up and say au revoir to him until our return at christmas, bdub found him in the basement. i gave woobs what-for and we both warned him that he'd better catch that mouse to make it up to us.

so on this thanksgiving, i am grateful for the woobs. i am grateful for all creatures who share their love with us so freely and who trust us and forgive us over and over again; i think of dogs and cats and shelters who want nothing more than to learn to share their love again, and i am especially grateful to the lessons learned from them. i am thankful for my husband who willingly got up at six am --despite having to get up to play a church service at eight-- and scooped up our dead friend and placed him in a baggie (which just the thought of having to do myself fills me with sheer terror and nausea).

i am thankful for family and inlaws in west virginia. for the relaxation, the time spent together, the exhaustion of the travel, the old members (and the new)...the drama, the ties, the bickering, the forgiving, the annoyances, the love, the rediscovery. somehow i am thankful for it all because i feel as if there can't be one without the other. as my mother in law said, "better out than in"...and i hope we all hold each other to that and mark our own words.

yo yo yo---let's take that back a minute

i realize that in my mouse-induced insanity i managed to gloss over the greater half of my week! plus, i need to clear up something: it seems that my friend ehrrin believes i have defied her, and i need to set the record straight.

pre-sickness, i had decided that should i not be booked for any jobs on wednesday, i would attempt to drive to pittsburgh and see the dub perform with my brightest diamond at the warhol museum. this has been mentioned in previous posts. though i was no longer a twisted ball of achiness by wednesday, i was still in.....gastrointestinal distress. the thought of driving seven-plus hours was not appealing. plus, i was booked for a great job with this guy--amazing photographer who is sweet as apple pie.

so alas, da burgh was not to be. however, my dear friend katie schwartz came a' calling, asking if i was interested in recuperating at her beach house in stone harbor, nj. now THIS i could handle. after my job was over, the biscuit and i headed south, and were greeted by katie and her st. bernard, gus.

we shopped. we cooked. we ate...or atleast, i ate some of katie's delicious treats some of the time. the rest of the time i attempted any and all variations on the BRAT diet (Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, and Toast) so as to soothe my stomach. i substituted cheerios for toast most of the time, and katie accused me of smelling like a baby. plus, we picked out a christmas dress for me at tj maxx, and i think i officially reverted back to two years old. it was odd.

but back to the fun and less wierd stuff: the dogs cavorted on the beach. we chilled on the soafs and read magazines and watched the premier of project runway. katie and i booked massages with this guy, nick. nick gave me the best massage ever. my knots were untied...my muscles were unlocked...even my lower back, which feels pretty constantly inflamed and sore, was loose as a goose. as katie and i compared our blissful, noddley states, she asked me, "when nick massaged your scalp and then let your hair fall until every last stand was hanging, didn't you just feel like he loves you?" perhaps it's a "had to be there" moment that doesn't transfer well to the blog, but it's absolutely true. our massage therapist loves us.

post-massage, katherine had booked a couple of other spa treatments at a spot nearby. many dollars later, katie returned from her salt scrub and tanning treatment looking a little spotty. a little....streaked. and definitely not amused. luckily, much of it rubbed off, but in yet another "would only happen to katherine" moment, the poor thing was quite a scary shade of orange blotchiness for the better part of the afternoon, and kept repeating, "LOOK AT ME!!! I LOOK CRAZY!!"

by friday evening, the biscuit and i were prepared for a relaxing, easy return to brooklyn. instead we were scared shitless by insane drivers: on the BQE, a crazy driver decided it would be a great idea to swerve into the lane to his left. the motorist occupying that lane swerved into mine, and i in turn swerved to my left. thankfully, i did not hit the guard rail, but the biscuit flipped in his bag and hit the dashboard.

i panicked a bit. i unzipped his overturned sherpa bag, and a shaken bisquit crawled over onto my lap. his left ear was a little bent, but he was otherwise no worse for the wear.

drive carefully, my friends, and please watch out for "the other guy". from here on out, le bisquit will be belted in in his bag. and we move forward, thinking not of what could have been on the road, but thankful that we were spared (and maybe in a bit of karma -induced guilt, this is what i get when i defy ehrrin?).

the mouse diet

yes, i am trying this new way of (not) eating. i call it the "mouse diet" and it consists of avoiding your kitchen due to THE GRAY MICE THAT DWELL THERE!!! AND POOP ON YOUR STOVE!! AND CRAWL AROUND ON YOUR STUFF!!! AND CREEP YOU OUT WHEN YOUR HUSBAND IS AWAY!!

i just saw him. he looks like this:


but the more i creep myself out about him, he looks like this in my head:


in other news, le dub played with my brightest diamond last night here in nyc! it was, of course, great to see the dub, whom i have missed terribly. the opener, tim fite, deserves special mention, as he is, like, my new hero. i love him.



unfortunately, pms-nowlze was on the scene. i would say that she made her appearance shortly after my job du jour (which was reshooting a portion of leah siegel's video for her amazing song "a day at the river"-- see previous post).

currently, menstrual nowlze has come to stay for the better portion of this week. to steal a line from my dear ehrrin keenan, this evening my uterus has been shouting, "DO NOT DEFY ME!", and sadly, it yearns for food which my wuss self is unable to access from my kitchen. perhaps i can muster up the courage to venture in for some mango sorbet, so long as the woob continues to stand guard. he is on night watch, and lemme tell you, a finer feline cannot be found. my cat rules. he's not just a pretty face; few know that the woobens is a born mouser.

and for all my talk of the biscuit, isn't it sad that the woob only gets the occasional mention when i am in freak out mode and depending on his ninja-like skill to help me out of a bind? i feel guilty. i am a bad, bad kitty mama. i love you, woob. my first son. the wind beneath my wings.

i am sick.

sick. sick. sick.

yesterday, i went over to kara dean's in the afternoon to make soup. we chopped a bit, sauteed our veggies and poured in our tomatoes. deanie and dyl finished the rest of the pot and about ten minutes after i sat down, i found it difficult to move off of the couch. no good.

i slept for three hours at their place and then managed to drive home and watch bad tv. still today, my joints ache...from my neck to my wrists to my ankles. i go from burning hot to shivering in minutes. my stomach hurts in waves that trickle down from around my chest area to my belly button. my hair even hurts when i try to put on or take off my sweatshirt (which i feel like i have been doing every five minutes).

the biscuit has yet to leave my side, though. bless him.

bdub is on a little tour with my brightest diamond this week. they are en route to louisville from chicago, and he will be playing in new york on saturday! not long now. i had seriously considered making the trek to pittsburgh for their show at the warhol museum this wednesday, but since brushing my teeth seems like a major accomplishment today, i can't imagine making a seven hour car ride. who knows? maybe i'll feel lots better in a day, and i do love my pittsburgh peeps, like this girl and this girl. the best.

and look at these cute photos of the sweet divines! this is the girl group with the retro style that i mentioned way back in this post. aren't they cute? see if you can spot the wolfe in there!

my favorite things

to counteract the piss and vinegar of my last entry, i thought that i would post some of my favorite things. for those of you with blogs of your own, i'd love to hear about your favorite things, too! this time around, mine will be purely material, because my favorite sentimental things would be the cozy nook of bdub's neck, the biscuit's frito-licious scent, my hands side by side with my mom's (they're the same, and i can see the future. which makes me smile and feel connected to this lineage of short, ballsy, fiercely-loving women)...

but that's for another post. for now, allow me to pretend i am oprah and share my faves.

le sportsac bags:


i have been loyal to these for years. they have amazing patterns and they last forever. when they start to get dirty, you can throw them in the washing machine and they look good as new.


dc apres-ski boots in chocolate:


lemme tell you what, these boots were one of my all-time best shoe purchases. i think they are filled with that memory foam stuff in the bottom, because every step i take feels like i am walking on tiny little sole-shaped pillows. cute with jeans, skirt, dresses, cords. totally waterproof and very warm. i made a promise to myself a couple of years ago that i MUST HAVE warm, waterproof boots for the slushy new york februarys, when the snow melt is dirty and extra cold. these have fit the bill nicely!


graftobian high-definition cream foundation:


this is what i use on photoshoots and on myself. i use it with an alcone non-latex sponge (my favorite makeup wedge--the best) that i wet and then wring out. this "sheers" the foundation to perfection. amazing finish, nice range of shades, good pigmentation, great coverage, and long-wearing. probably my most recommended product (and the most asked about, as people always want to buy it).


the bubble roome 3-butter creams:


i have never met a bubble roome product i didn't love --and it was hard to choose just one-- but these body butters are simply perfection; the best incarnation of their body butters yet. i got to try them out when deej (their creator) was testing them, and i was blown away.

they're made of good stuff, too, which is getting to be more of a concern of mine, especially the use of parabens. paraben is a controversial preservative that's in everything and may be linked to breast cancer; all bubble roome products are paraben-free. they smell amazing and the price point is right: no $32.00 nonsense for a sugar scrub, like some high-ends brands, but every bit as good. better, in fact.


smith's rosebud minted rose lip balm:


a classic. but dude, now it comes in a minted version. i just worked on a job with my friend, jules, and she turned me on to this. i am now obsessed. it's not a strong, overly-tingly mint, either; it leaves just a hint of subtle, minty-rosy freshness on your kisser.


the garmin nuvi gps:


truth be told, this was a gift for bdub's birthday, but the gps has become one of my favorite things. there's an amazing sense of security that comes with knowing you're not going to get lost (or if you do, you will easily get back on track). plus, it points you to the nearest starbuck's or lunch spot, and estimates your arrival time. i love it.


sherpa original bag deluxe


at first i thought that the price for the sherpa bag was a little high for me, but the quality is outstanding. it's comfortable, you can wash the inner liner, and the biscuit loves it. he crawls right in as soon as he sees me grab my keys! plus, the sherpa is designed to fit under and airline seat and is the only carrier approved for in-flight use by all of the major airlines.


dwell bedding:


i heart dwell bedding. karadean and i like to hit up their annual sample sale and clean house. i love the color pallette, the patterns, the quality, the feel of the cotton. "playful yet minimalist" is a fitting description. plus, it cleans up well when the biscuit pukes on the bed.


trader joe's


i seriously had to wrack my brain to think of a product at trader joe's that i don't like. i honestly can't think of one dud. i can think of many, many favorites, though: the dried white peaches, the flattened bananas, the cheese and green chile tamales, the spinach artichoke ravioli, the gorgonzola and walnut tortellini, the chili-lime cashews. all amazing and less expensive than the nastiness that passes as consumables at our local key food.


sudoku:


i had to fit my puzzle nerd in somewhere on this list. i really, really enjoy sudoku (in case you are unfamiliar, an explanation is here). i wouldn't call myself "obsessed", but i quite enjoy the satisfaction of completing a puzzle before i get to my subway stop. aahhh...

VERY put off!! (or the following can suck it)

it is friday. over the past three days i have been working for a bunch of ingrates, busting my butt to make the precious client happy.

let me rewind a bit. i received a call from a production company whom we will call "crappy production services". CPS, as they will herein be known, is a production co. that essentially whores out their crew to the lowest bidder. they pay a flat rate for makeup (which is ridiculous, as rates vary from job to job), and then charge the client a markup of who knows how much.

for this particular job, i was to be working on an infomercial for a major retail chain that likes to move into poor communities, destroy small businesses, is anti-union, and sells a bunch of gross crap. additionally, i can now say with certainty that the execs at walmart (oops--did i just say walmart?) are rude, pompous, and extremely cheap.

CPS whored me and my makeup artist friend out to an even crappier production company who then whored us out to walmart at half of our normal day rate, not telling us that this job would last for three days until the day before we started shooting (i was on a "light hold" but never given any information as to whether they would be honoring that hold until the eleventh hour. this makes for a stressful predicament for a freelancer). we were also not told whether or not this would be on national television. we were also not given an address or call time until the evening before shooting (after business hours, i might add).

i was only told that my friend and i were to do makeup and "very light hairstyling" for four women. this turned into full hair and makeup, and it was to look consistent over the course of three days. i immediately knew that it would be necessary to have my friend booked for the additional two days. my queries to anyone who would listen about this or provide me with any information (including my contact at CPS) fell on deaf ears.

someone took pity on me and directed me to the client, to whom i introduced myself and then asked, "do you think it would be possible to hire the second makeup artist for an additional two days? i don't know if you are the correct person for me to ask, but if you would know whom to speak to, that'd be great!" they peered up from their laptops, and mumbled that they weren't sure about the hiring, but directed me to the production manager...i had no clue as to whom this was, as i was not given a call sheet, a schedule, or anyone's name (nor did anybody introduce themselves).

i finally located and went to the production manager with whom they recommended that i speak, and she immediately drilled me:

"DID YOU ASK THE CLIENT ABOUT HIRING ANOTHER MAKEUP ARTIST?

THAT WAS A BIG NO NO!!

THEY WERE VERY PUT OFF BY YOU!!"

i could have punched her. i almost did, actually. when i told her that someone pointed me to the precious client, she jumped on me again:

"WELL, WHO TOLD YOU THAT??"

i refused to engage in her madness. i explained that i had asked my contact at CPS, who could not tell me if it was possible. that i did not discuss money with the client- that i simply asked them a question.

towards the end of the day, my completely useless contact at CPS said to me and my friend, "good night girls" to which i replied "bye" and then stopped for a minute and asked "are we wrapped now?" (usually you don't say your goodbyes until the day is done. duh.)

production manager, again, chimed in and said to me, "I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE WRAPPED! I DON'T THINK YOU'RE WRAPPED! YOU NEED TO ASK THE DIRECTOR THAT!"

suffice to say that over the course of the next two days, word must have spread from this psycho of the horrible diva-like makeup artists(!!), as the director, producer, production manager and client completely ignored us (even when we said hello and goodbye, or "how ya doing?" or other various things, like "thank you" at the end of the shoot). the only bright spot is that they finally did agree that it would be necessary to hire my friend for the additional two days, which was a good thing, considering that on day two we had an ADDITIONAL 19 actors, and on day three an additional six actors portraying walmart employees as well as atleast ten extras (i lost count).

i have worked with major companies and brands in every capacity during the whole of my career, several retailers (such as kmart, macy's, belk, marshall field, you name it) as well as huge brands such as pepsi, visa, the nfl, and american express, and i have NEVER experienced a client being less than gracious to me. ever. i have also worked with television producers for major networks, and all of them have been kind, complimentary to their crew, and effective communicators. before this job, i had never been yelled at by a director, scolded by a production manager, or ignored by my main contact.

i am seriously considering writing a little paragraph or two about my experience and sending it to walmartsucks.org, but i think i'll wait until i'm paid.

on a smaller note, it is also nice on jobs to get a break to eat (usually one hour, which is required by unions--but what does walmart care about unions?). it is nice to be provided with water so as to remain hydrated. it is lovely, when working your butt off, to be given your space, rather than to be hounded every five minutes as to when you will be done and told, "just fix them up to about 80%". that is a direct quote from the director of the project (whom they scabbed in from michigan, as they're clearly too cheap to hire any number of talented directors from new york). i held my tongue and did not ask him which 20% he would like for me to omit (covering up the bags under their eyes? giving them powder? should i line both eyes, or just one?).

therefore, the following people can suck it:

crappy production service
whored out production company
jerk production manager
talentless director
walmart
walmart execs
the 100 or so crappy actors who don't know when to just shut the hell up and realize that no, it's not all about them and their incessant need for attention.

my husband is a superhero

i planned on posting about how my husband is a superhero long before today, but something happened. in my last post, i was merrily boasting of his skateboarding prowess in the face of the terrible 'tweens, which made me think of many of bdub's superhero encounters in our fair city.

but then the unthinkable happened. the next day, just blocks from our apartment, my skateboarding hero hit a bump and he stumbled, hand over hand, foot over foot, knee and palms first into the gravel. he limped home and, like a good superhero wife, i helped to clean him up and bandage him. this made me momentarily reconsider the notion that he is indeed a superhero, until my good friend mags pointed out that even superheroes get hurt. it's the recovery that counts, as they retreat to their superhero caves or lairs only to return stronger than ever.

she's right. and thus, i would like to share two examples of my sweet husband's superhero powers in the face of adversity on the streets:

in our fair city, there seems to be a trend among motorists, one of honking horns and riding bumpers despite traffic lights or stop signs that make such behavior completely illogical. hurry up and wait! be the first to sit at the stop sign! oh look! you made it to the red light first! here's your cookie.

as bdub was rambling along one sunday in our car, approaching a red light, he was being tailed by some nasty fellows, honking and riding his bumper. my hero had had enough. he coasted to a stop, and waved them forward.

"is there a problem?" he asked.

"sunday driver, mang" they replied in monotone.

"excuse me?" he asked.

"you a sunday driver, mang" they repeated.

to which he replied, "my grandma always said that people in new york are in a hurry to get nowhere".

they paused. there was a brief second or two of a stare down.

they laughed. they chuckled, "yeah..". they shifted their car into drive, grinned, and all went along on their merry ways.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

in an unrelated event, my hero was unloading his equipment at his rehearsal space. he signaled to the car behind him (which was filled with a posse of scary gentlemen) that he was going to back up into the loading area.

this made the villains very upset, as they honked and carried on and called my hero a "f**king a**hole".

upon hearing this, my hero approached their window and tapped on it. they exchanged looks as if to say, "who does this guy think he is?"

as they rolled down the window, bdub said to them, "i'm sorry to have made you wait, but i really don't think it's necessary to call me a f**king a**hole".

to which the driver sighed, and then replied: "i know, man. i'm just really stressed out. i'm sorry".

and all went along on their merry ways.

to some, these may not seem like superhero maneuvers, but to me, they are signs of greatness. for i have heard tale of people tapping bumpers, kindly rolling down their windows, and forthwith getting punched in the face at the white castle drive through (just ask our friend nate-- true story!) or of innocents getting in fights over nothing but puffed up male testosterone-fueled aggro bullshit.

my hero has never engaged in fisticuffs. he chooses his words carefully. he shows nor possesses any fear. he is not willing to suffer fools gladly, nor will he back down in the fight to make his neighborhood a better place.

he will correct children who are cursing, ask people blasting music on the subways to turn it down, call after people who litter and have them pick up their garbage. as his wife, i fear that someday he may run into the wrong kind of fellows and his vigilantism may get the best of him, but i know, like any true superhero, that he would need only to retreat to our lair for a bit to emerge stronger than ever.

my hero.