he is ONE. one revolution around the sun.
here is a flickr set of the month by month development of this person, my child....birth to year one. pupa to chrysalis.
i feel like i am at a high point. the only thoughts that creep into the deeper, scary parts are the thoughts of regression. of going backwards after we have come so far. what if something were to happen? if he slips away and this groove upon my torso where he lays becomes just an empty ditch on my body, unfilled, concave?
these thoughts are few and far between. this is a good thing, because they can be paralyzing. more than this, i celebrate the days with him, and the evenings holding him close, rocking him, his eyes getting heavy, putting him down. watching him sleep. walking into his room in the dark mornings to him smiling and bouncing, gripping onto the rail of his crib. ready-- READY-- to face another day and seek more adventure.
teaching him all of it--what to do and what not to do-- from walking to eating to pulling on the cat's tail. no small task. and i am ready.
Friday, October 23, 2009
does anybody really care?
not me, apparently, because i forgot about my own experiment! the first few days, however, i think i did feel like i was giving more thought and consideration to others. at times, though, this morphed into not being entirely honest with my thoughts and feelings, being dismissive of things that really did bother me. is this less than compassionate? i felt a little like i was taken back to catholic sunday school....to the idea of "impure thoughts".
therapy has taught me otherwise: FEEL and SAY what you MEAN. it is ok to BE less than ok with things that are, frankly, not ok.
this is my new creed, however jumbled. i hope it sticks.
therapy has taught me otherwise: FEEL and SAY what you MEAN. it is ok to BE less than ok with things that are, frankly, not ok.
this is my new creed, however jumbled. i hope it sticks.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
livin' the ten in ten
or: "is anybody really out there? does anybody really care?"
so i had this vaguely weird idea of trying to live the ten commandments as i see that they apply to me for ten days. let me backtrack:
while i am not really sure exactly what i believe (i am a seeker), i can say that i am pretty sure that i remain unconvinced that the bible is the one and only true word of God with a capital G. no offense to readers who believe otherwise, but this is my personal belief or lack thereof.
anyhoo, somehow i got the hair-brained idea that while i DO believe that the bible is perhaps inspired by god and divine in the same way that so many other books are divine, i decided to try to embark upon this little experiment. of course, this required brushing up on what the ten commandments ARE (as i am a little rusty). according to different parts of the bible, there may be some requirements that should be pretty easy to live with, such as "You shall not boil a kid in its mother’s milk." (exodus 34:26). the verses of deuteronomy from which the ten commandments are partially derived are also not doing such a hot job of convincing me that they are not simply a work of, to put it kindly, inspired fiction and without any bearing whatsoever on my life or that of anyone i know.
but faith is the belief in things unseen, so in a nutshell, let's take a look at the challenge set before me (and we'll add in a couple from the qur'an which i think are important and timely):
1) I am the Lord your God-- You shall have no other gods before me-- while i can't say that i believe that there is one true way with 100% certainty, i will do my best to not join any wiccan covens over the next ten days
2) You shall not make for yourself an idol-- this may present a challenge. i think i will need to abstain from reading trashy celebrity crap for the next ten days, which will do me nothing but good, for sure. i will also try not to put those i love and care about up on a pedestal of unreasonable expectations.
3) You shall not make wrongful use of the name of your God-- this will be a challenge for me. maybe it will keep me mindful of...something.
4) Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy-- in this day and age, i read this commandment as honoring one's need to take a break once a week. honor your self with that much.
5) Honor your father and mother-- i fall short with this a lot. patience, patience, patience.
6) You shall not murder-- easy. and remember people-- meat is murder.
7) You shall not commit adultery-- easy, but i will add flirting to the mix (though i don't really flirt much, truth be told). i will also try to limit the number of impure thoughts i have involving don draper from mad men.
8) You shall not steal-- not a problem. i will include sleep from my husband as well as his thunder under this category.
9) You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor-- as in lying?
10) You shall not covet your neighbor's wife/ You shall not covet anything that belongs to your neighbor-- easier said than done in new york. we are very much a culture of have's and have not's.
additionally, from the qur'an:
"And make not Allah's (name) an excuse in your oaths against doing good, or acting rightly, or making peace between persons; for Allah is One Who heareth and knoweth all things."
love this. LOVE IT. this, to me, is truly using the lord's name in vain.
-Be neither miserly nor wasteful in one's expenditure-- very important.
-Keep one's promises
-Do not be arrogant in one's claims or beliefs
so let's see how this goes. ten days of not wishing i was kelly osborne on dancing with the stars (have you checked out her moves?), of not being jealous that people like jenna bush will never have to worry about whether they can make their rent or bills, or send their child to a decent school. ten days of keeping my promises, of keeping my arrogance in check. of eliminating even white lies. of being kind and compassionate to my mom and dad.
let's see what we're up against.
so i had this vaguely weird idea of trying to live the ten commandments as i see that they apply to me for ten days. let me backtrack:
while i am not really sure exactly what i believe (i am a seeker), i can say that i am pretty sure that i remain unconvinced that the bible is the one and only true word of God with a capital G. no offense to readers who believe otherwise, but this is my personal belief or lack thereof.
anyhoo, somehow i got the hair-brained idea that while i DO believe that the bible is perhaps inspired by god and divine in the same way that so many other books are divine, i decided to try to embark upon this little experiment. of course, this required brushing up on what the ten commandments ARE (as i am a little rusty). according to different parts of the bible, there may be some requirements that should be pretty easy to live with, such as "You shall not boil a kid in its mother’s milk." (exodus 34:26). the verses of deuteronomy from which the ten commandments are partially derived are also not doing such a hot job of convincing me that they are not simply a work of, to put it kindly, inspired fiction and without any bearing whatsoever on my life or that of anyone i know.
but faith is the belief in things unseen, so in a nutshell, let's take a look at the challenge set before me (and we'll add in a couple from the qur'an which i think are important and timely):
1) I am the Lord your God-- You shall have no other gods before me-- while i can't say that i believe that there is one true way with 100% certainty, i will do my best to not join any wiccan covens over the next ten days
2) You shall not make for yourself an idol-- this may present a challenge. i think i will need to abstain from reading trashy celebrity crap for the next ten days, which will do me nothing but good, for sure. i will also try not to put those i love and care about up on a pedestal of unreasonable expectations.
3) You shall not make wrongful use of the name of your God-- this will be a challenge for me. maybe it will keep me mindful of...something.
4) Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy-- in this day and age, i read this commandment as honoring one's need to take a break once a week. honor your self with that much.
5) Honor your father and mother-- i fall short with this a lot. patience, patience, patience.
6) You shall not murder-- easy. and remember people-- meat is murder.
7) You shall not commit adultery-- easy, but i will add flirting to the mix (though i don't really flirt much, truth be told). i will also try to limit the number of impure thoughts i have involving don draper from mad men.
8) You shall not steal-- not a problem. i will include sleep from my husband as well as his thunder under this category.
9) You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor-- as in lying?
10) You shall not covet your neighbor's wife/ You shall not covet anything that belongs to your neighbor-- easier said than done in new york. we are very much a culture of have's and have not's.
additionally, from the qur'an:
"And make not Allah's (name) an excuse in your oaths against doing good, or acting rightly, or making peace between persons; for Allah is One Who heareth and knoweth all things."
love this. LOVE IT. this, to me, is truly using the lord's name in vain.
-Be neither miserly nor wasteful in one's expenditure-- very important.
-Keep one's promises
-Do not be arrogant in one's claims or beliefs
so let's see how this goes. ten days of not wishing i was kelly osborne on dancing with the stars (have you checked out her moves?), of not being jealous that people like jenna bush will never have to worry about whether they can make their rent or bills, or send their child to a decent school. ten days of keeping my promises, of keeping my arrogance in check. of eliminating even white lies. of being kind and compassionate to my mom and dad.
let's see what we're up against.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
