learning

the professional implanted this nugget into my seeping brain last week, and i hope it's there to stay.

judgement.

when we judge, we tend to cut others very little slack, yet we give ourselves a lot more leeway for similar transgressions (or so sayeth the professional).

he's right, of course.

how i hold on. and on. and on. i hold a grudge with the best of them, and i am not really sure where it gets me. does it ensure that i will not be hurt again? of course not. and even if it did, would it be worth the energy that it takes to keep track?

how many times have i had a slip of the tongue, inserted foot into mouth, or just been plain old mean? how many times have i blamed it on low blood sugar pms exhaustion anger annoyance hurt feelings (and hurting back) stress hormones lack of sleep

you name it.

so i move on, forgiving myself and knowing that "i didn't mean it".

i need to be this way with the other people in my life. we are none of us perfect and i really do wonder where my impossible standards come from?

california dreamin'

it is simply PATHETIC, my lack of blogging. it feels like so much has happened over the last month! most importantly, i have found my self again. just typing that sentence gave me pause: am i being all "bad mama" by saying that something about ME is "most important"? no. this-- my state of being-- is important. it is critical. i am no good to max or anyone else for that matter if i am all scrambled up in my own head.

we are in L.A, right now, as bdub is playing drums for mandy moore on the tonight show this evening. yes--mandy moore, the pop princess of the britney/x-tina/jessica simpson class of the late nineties. mandy is, of course, all grown up and trying to go in a new direction and all that jazz, but it sounds silly and defensive to even write that so i will just let it be what it is: a pop thing. with a really nice girl. on national tv. an american institution. tonight!

i am so proud of my bdub. he works tirelessly on his craft, and this marks a big milestone for him.

too much other stuff to catch up on in one post: we moved (goodbye, 92 hawthorne!), the boy is eating solids with gusto, and life is good. pictures to come.